Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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