Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
