You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
