I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
