I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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