In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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