Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
