my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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