eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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