Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
