I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
