I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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