Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
