So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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