You made me cry and you don't even care
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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