Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
