if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
my poor anus
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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