New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's shark week go big or go home
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
