Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
