So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
