i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
