it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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