i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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