She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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