I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
