I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
