In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
she looked like the before picture.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
