my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
