Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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