Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
