Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
