I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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