is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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