Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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