And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
