You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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