Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Couch. On fire.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
