How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
