went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
