Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
