dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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