i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
