babies were throwing up all over the place
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
