Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
