Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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