meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
