Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
