id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
