I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
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That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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