I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
