Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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