Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My dick has a subreddit
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
