so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
