I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
