i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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