Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
