they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
