Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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