I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
