did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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