You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize