when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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