My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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