The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
