So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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