3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
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I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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