We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
