I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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