I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
