I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
