I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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