Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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