Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You pole danced in your parka.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
