OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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