and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
