We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
