Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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