dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
