Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
